Respite

I was in a meeting last month and a lady suggested that the insurance agencies cut respite out of their budget. One of the only times I have ever gotten dizzy from my blood pressure shooting up for sure! She went on to suggest that this was a "vacation for the family, so they could go get pedicures, or go out to eat". First I was dumbfounded! Really? I understand this person was young, no children, none with disabilities, and idealistic. I couldn't help but speak up. Respite by definition:

res·pite  

/ˈrespət/

Noun A short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant. A short delay permitted before an unpleasant obligation is met or a punishment is carried out. Now I know that you may think me mean for saying this about my own son. But some days it was so hard just to get through the day, much less an hour. A period of rest of relief from something unpleasant. Yes, having to constantly explain over and over why you cannot take apart the electronics in the house, why homework is important-even if you know all the answers, why you are only responsible for your own behavior, why putting holes in the walls because you are mad is not okay....On and on. This is so emotionally wearing on families. So much energy is taken away from everything and everyone else, and unless you have lived in my home or another families struggling with "difficult" or unpleasant issues you will not understand. I have two other kids. They are "nuerotypical". They challenge me, they amaze me, they can be unpleasant too! But there is no comparing them to their brother and his challenges.  A great article I came upon in support of respite care is:  Respite Care for Children with SED and Their Families: A way to Enrich Family Life  www.pathwaysrtc.dex.edu/pdf/fpF0106.pdf

Respite can be with a family member, a friend, or a professional agency. When Jordan became an adolescent and was so challenging we were so blessed to have Craig, a cousin who also was a nurse who understood Jordan as a close family member when we needed him. He took Jordan for the afternoon, the weekend, and introduced him to different things. Running their hunting dogs, canoeing, Big R sporting good store, and of course-Mt. Dew! It was great for Jordan, to be in a different social setting, to get to know family, and to discover new things. We have other friends who would take Jordan and just let him hang out at their house so Todd and I could get away. We were so blessed by these people who loved and spent time with our son. It was great for our family to have some peaceful time together to focus on our other kids and needs. Yes we have to learn to do this all with Jordan around, but we are so much better for having a much needed mental health break. It is a strategy to help families experiencing distress to be able to refocus. It provides wellness and enables parents to better care for their children.  

One common misconception is that you can leave these children with babysitters. We tried. Our babysitter was so overwhelmed as Jordan got older, she would go home in tears. Trying to be brave, she would come back-we also paid well. After a while she got braver and told us she couldn't do it anymore. I so appreciated her honesty. 

Today I can't imagine Jordan needing respite, in fact, mom's are actually looking to him to spend time with their ASD kids! He told me the other day he went to his friends house for a BBQ, and they all squirted each other with dish soap and went on the slip and slide! What? Ok they are lifeguards, but he would have never put dish soap on himself and done that 4 years ago-or 3 years ago. Friends!! Yes! Cut loose on the slip and slide? WOW!! But 4 years ago respite was a blessing, a lifesaver, a needed thing for our family to be emotionally ok, reboot and face the next challenge. 

Respite is needed! It is okay to let someone else care for your child so you can breathe easy, plan your meal menu, spend time with other kids, go to a workshop, or get a pedicure! Mental Health is so important, take care of yourself parents and give yourself a break! I know how much you love your child and want the very best for him/her. 

As for insurance paying, medicaid pays in most states, and other private health insurances are usually great about respite. Take a moment to ask, let go of the guilt, and be the best parent you know how to be! Find natural supports, people you know and trust, family members and friends. Most are happy to be asked when they know your need. Be brave and humble, take time to ask for the help you need! Your family will be blessed when you do! 

Now-go get that pedicure!!

Kim

Jordan and I at the Capital in Helena.....Mental Health Day....