Birth, the ultimate adventure....what is anticipated for months, sometimes years, finally begins the arduous process of bringing a child into this world. The glowing moms out there, who show up after beaming with pregnancy joy, now show up with a perfect bouncing baby boy. No stretch marks, or wounds to mark their journey-how boring was that! Not me, I was not beaming, unless you count the sweat from my power walks with my aunt and her friends, who, all in their fifties, are trying to make it around the world before they die. I thought birth would be this beautiful thing for me....and it was- just in a totally different way that I wouldn't understand for years to come.
Jordan Brooks Monroe came into this world February 3rd 1996. Just 3 days after Super Bowl XXX when the Dallas Cowboys lost in the 4th quarter to the Pittsburgh Steelers. (much to my husbands loud disappointment) Otherwise his name would have been Jordan Dallas Brooks Monroe. Todd and I had a deal if the Cowboys won, then Jordan's name would have included "Dallas"! It was not meant to be!
Jordan was our 2nd born, and we were hoping for a boy this time. We already had a beautiful little girl, Mandi, who was born in 1993, in Ketchikan, Alaska. She was 2 1/2 and just waiting for her brother or sister to come out and play. The day I went into labor, I was rocking in a chair in the living room when Todd came home from work. I had been uncomfortable, but that was nothing new. Apparently though, unknown to me, I had a furrowed brow and was kinda pale when Todd came in. He too took one look at me, and said "Why are you not going to the hospital"? (He was working in labor and delivery as a CNA as he worked his way through school) I remember thinking... "is this all there is to labor?" Mandi, you see, turned breach on her due date,she was like a starfish in utero, and refused to move. So 28 days past due, I had a C-section, it was painless, and a pretty easy recovery! So as I sat there uncomfortable rocking, I thought "okay, I can do this!". We were on our way!
No one had really told me labor could start and stop. Or that one could develop toxemia in hours, and be bloated, sick, and hooked up to pitocin, and wanting to throw up non-stop. Augmentation of labor...this is what they call it when they try to start-up your labor again with this lovely drug. What you don't know is it can also cause blood not to flow well to the baby, intense contractions when you are not ready, and if the cord is around the baby's neck as it was in Jordan's case, three times, it is not a pretty picture. Three days later, and only one code blue for mom and baby, (due to an allergic reaction to the Fentynol) and dad passing out on the bed, Jordan came into this world. He was past blue....and his APGAR score was really really low. I was as worried as I could be in my wiped out sick state. I knew Todd, having recovered from his "nap", was with our baby and I felt better. But seeing the worried look on his face as he looked over at me and followed the pediatrician out the door, I was scared. All I could do was lay there and pray.
It was quite some time before they brought my sweet boy back in for those newborn pictures, then took him away again. I didn't know they were giving him lots of oxygen, testing him, and keeping his little jaundice body (yellow now, not blue) under the heat lamps. Todd stayed with Jordan the whole time.
My mom and grandma had been with me for days and were so exhausted they soon went home. I could not sleep with the blood pressure cuff choking my arm, and the poking around the nurses were doing to keep an IV line open, but I was scared too for my sweet boy. Jordan went into an incubator, and Todd stayed with him. Two days later I was wide awake and feeling so much more like myself. I remember the nurse bringing me Jordan to hold, watching him closely, and us cuddling and watching Gone With the Wind. No one came to visit us. What I didn't know was it was traumatic to watch and our families were in a deep sleep after watching us fight for our lives for days. I called my mom and asked her quite perkily "Hey, where are you?', she told me what had happened from her point of view and they would come in tomorrow to visit after they all recovered. Looking back that day with Jordan watching the old classic, with a nurse next to us, and the incubator next to my bed, it was one of the quietest ones I would have for years to come.
As I begin this blog....you may wonder why did you go so far back? So many people are faced with the diagnosis of Aspergers, or Autism Spectrum Disorder. How did it all begin? What happened? Was there a significant event? Do you think vaccines caused it? Honestly, I am not sure I will ever know, but what I do know is that like Jordan says "I can consider this a gift or a problem, I chose to see it as a gift." Over the next 17 years there were days, no hours, I thought a lot of things like;
- Are we going to make it?
- Will he be living with me forever?
- Will he make it to double digits?
- Will he ever have friends?
- Will I ever have friends? You know the ones that don't look at me in horror or shock, but walk along side of us on this journey?
- Is he going to hurt himself someday>or others?
- Are we going to make it?
Now, I look back, and I talk to others about the early years, the middle school years (that felt like a century) and smile. All this to arrive at this place. A wonderful place where that little baby has grown into an amazing young man. Jordan is full of humor, sharp wit, and brains! He is so empathetic and caring, and stands up for what he believes in. God, his family, and others who are totally different. For all you neuro-typical peeps out there, prepare to think outside the box! He has a "future and a hope' that I didn't know could even exist in some of my darkest times.
I will share about IEP's, 504's, OHI's, pediatricians, friends, family, team sports, band, and so many other fun subjects! Let me know what you want to hear about!!
I have been asked over and over, "Did you write that down?" And I smile as I think, " No.....I am just living through it people!" Now I am going to try! I hope it blesses you as we are blessed in our family-holes in the wall and all!! (just laugh-its ok)
Kim
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